While I was thinking about what to write, I was browsing through my Myspace account, I stumbled upon an old blog entry of mine. (The only one in my Myspace, to be precise.) Since I have forgotten what I wrote there, I took a look what was I thinking at that time. And what I read surprised me. So I thought I'd re-post it for you guys.
This was posted May 30, 2005 (but was written much earlier than that!).
I just read forum entries regarding an article about Christian music. It breaks my heart to see entries that are full of blasphemous metaphors. It makes me sad to see people totally reject the idea, essence, and teachings of Christianity. What is wrong about praising the one who created everything? What’s wrong with lifting up the name of the one who died for us so that we can be saved? I kept thinking whether I could make a difference. Whether I can make a stand. Will my lifetime have enough time? I feel the desire to tell them off. But I didn't. I guess I'm just afraid of the harsh words that may be shot back at me. I feel I'm not strong enough. So I felt like writing. Regardless of the numerous mosquitoes biting me, I wanted to write this.
I feel that I am now challenged to make use of every talent I have to tell people of what I know: The Truth. I have known this truth for a decade and a half. I come to church every Sunday for as long as I can remember. I have been taught bible stories, Christian values, the meaning of Christmas and countless other things. I have kept them with me. Yet I didn't spread the news. I didn't apply them. I just knew them. It was just recently that I have begun to realize my wrongdoing. Or wrong-not-doing for that matter. My inaction has brought great sadness to me. My eyes were opened. Despite the time wasted, the years of inaction, it wasn’t too late. For my life has only just begun. For the first time in my life, I really felt God in me. For the first time in my life, I felt alive!
My whole life, I knew that there was a God. But I wasn’t aware of him. I took him for granted. I spent my life contemplating on the meaning of everything I experience. I spent countless hours complaining and making excuses. But God did not give up. He had been working with me through all those years. And He is working now. I tell you one thing, God worked slowly, yet effectively with me. He worked in ways I could never have imagined. He worked so slowly, that I am surprised to find myself writing this. The moment you will first be aware of Him, God lets you see things in a different view. You begin to look at things differently. I’ve never had a life-changing moment. I’ve never had those moments that when it is over, you resolve to be a better person than you are. Then POOF! Changed forever. I’ve observed that there are several factors in this. And everything has to with your relationship with God.
Have you ever asked yourself how you really see God? What is his role in your life? Perhaps you have just stopped to smell the flowers, but not thanked the one that made them. Is God some omnipresent being just watching over you? Is he your last hope? Like a lifeline? Do you pray to Him in times of great trouble? Is he a listener to everything you say or complain? A Master? A Friend? Each one of these is correct. But each is just a small part of the big picture. And that’s what we need to do: see the big picture.
You have to learn that God can be and is everything to you. Creator, Provider, Friend, Protector and Guide are just a few of the immense number of words that can describe Him. But there is one word in the English language that I hold great importance to describe Him. Reason. He is the reason. The reason for everything. He is the reason you breath, love, think, feel, smile, frown, walk, make friends, sulk, read, thank, eat, be happy, jump, raise your hands, make reports, are. To reverse the idea: Everything is because of Him. Then everything is for Him. Since everything concerning you will compose your life, you give your life to Him. And when you dedicate everything for Him, you worship Him. Worship today, has the context of singing, praising, raising your hands and celebrating. Although it cannot be denied to be worship, it cannot be the definition of worship. Worship is something much, much bigger. Rather than an act of praise, it is an act of living. Seems simple, right? I don’t think so.
So this is where we start, we give everything to God. How do we do it? I have taken the liberty of putting them into one simple verb, namely: Love. Yes, Love. That’s the one thing God wants us to do. Yet this one thing will lead to many others. Perhaps the book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren contains those things. So I guess I agree with the saying, “Love makes the world go ‘round.” The Bible says that this is the one commandment that governs the others. Love is a powerful thing. Love leads to great things. Loving God and others will lead to praise, serving, giving, faithfulness, friendship, joy, contentment, happiness, sharing, transformations, sense of fulfillment and many great things.
Love promises all those things. But love also provides us with a job, a mission, a commitment. We have to work hard for the church Christ built. We have to work hard to spread the good news. We have to work hard for the sake of others. We have to work hard and make sacrifices for him. I have put in the context of working because living for Christ is no easy task. It requires total dedication and determination on our part. Satan will work extra hard to destroy your credibility. He will not rest until he breaks our spirit and give up. He will be most active on faithful followers of Christ, because they are a threat to his existence. I tell you this because this is the truth. I have experienced it. Even though many times I have fallen on my knees, Christ has always been there to reach his hand out and help me stand again. It may be a scary thought that the devil will always be scheming behind your back if you continue to live a Christian life, but you need not be afraid, the God that you cherish and love is always with you and for you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. God has promised the greatest gift every mortal has ever desired as an incentive: the gift of eternal life. Believe, love, serve, worship, live for God and be saved. I ask you: What is a lifetime of sacrifice compared to an eternity of pleasure in God’s presence?
In my perception, Christian living may be summed up to living a life of worship filled with love. Even though I have illustrated it as work, I assure you that everything will come naturally. If you have Christ in your heart, you will be able to love and worship without difficulty. Everything will fall into place. I can tell you this because I have experienced a taste of it. I admit that I lack significantly in upholding the values taught by Christ. Yet I just put up a smile and tell God that I love Him. Loving God is more than a feeling, it’s more than a duty, it is an existence. You will never be able to be alive unless you love Him. I cannot accurately describe how loving God is more than a feeling, or how everything will fall into place once you put your faith in Him, or how excited I feel while writing this manuscript. I find no words to define what I feel. But one thing is for sure: this is the Truth. I pray that you will be able to see or feel Christ, or maybe even get to know him through reading this. I may neither be a pastor nor a preacher, but I emphasize that this I tell you is the truth. The Truth Jesus shown by suffering and dying at the cross.
Kevin Jan Saquilayan
2:41am 17 June 2004
I was honestly surprised to read that. I refreshed me to see how God empowered me back then. And it made me see that since He empowered me back then, wouldn't he empower me now all the more?
It was pretty strange to see that God used "past me" to inspire "present me". I hope that God will use this will bless you as this has blessed me. :)
[also posted in my journal]